ϟ Man..

I just watched a video on Youtube from these people I’ve been subscribed to for a long time. They’re all room-mates and  have been really close friends for years. They’ve been putting up a bunch of cool vlogs for quite some time now.

Turns out the latest video is named “Farewell friends”, because one of the guys is moving out with his girlfriend to live closer near their family. The vlog was basically about them packing things in the moving truck, sharing memories and saying fair-well, and how despite the distance they’ll always be friends and come visit one day. Then they showed a little montage of all the good memories, and had to cut the camera near the end of the video because a bunch of grown dudes in their 30’s were on the verge tearing up.

It’s funny how those guys managed to hold it in (at least on camera), but I didn’t. I honestly don’t know how my brain works or why I get attached to this extent, but it’s like I feel exactly what they’re feeling, despite the fact that they’re just some random people I’ve been watching on my computer monitor. 

I don’t know what the point of this post is, I guess this just goes to show how easy it is for me to make a connection with someone and get attached to them. It sucks, because most people I’ve encountered in life either don’t realize it or don’t even give a chance for that to happen. Maybe I’m just bad at showing it. I guess I was never really good at attaching words to my thoughts.

I don’t know, I’m weird. 

ϟ Gonna be one hell of a day tomorrow

• Wake up at 5:30 am
• Go to school for stable internet, get there at 8:00 am
• Research/prepare until 10:00 am
• Hop on the bus back home, get there by 11:30 - 12:00.
• Wait until 1:00 
• Have the phone interview with RIM
• Take the bus back to Square 1 by 5:00 pm
• Wait
• ???
• Maybe profit, knowing my luck probably not

This feeling… I can’t even describe it. Every single day, when I stay up at night, before I go to bed, it’s there. It doesn’t matter how many things have gone wrong, how eventful (or uneventful) the day was, or how many things are or should be on my mind right now.  When it’s all said and done, it comes back to this very feeling.

No amount of logic is going to convince me otherwise. Even if it’s for the greater good or the best of my well-being, I just can’t do it. I can’t. Maybe I’m just an idiot. Maybe my heart betrays my better judgement. I don’t know, I don’t care.

I still remember the peaceful and happy days. A reason to wake up and get out of bed in the morning. Hell, I actually had a normal sleeping schedule. Every single day, I would look forward to the next. Peace, happiness, purpose. That’s not what it is anymore now though, is it? Now it’s the dizziness, the headaches. Sitting here at 5:54 am typing random vague bullshit that very few people will even come close to understanding. (Oh, and that’s with daylight savings time, it’d be like 6:54 normally)

I know that I’m probably going to destroy myself with this mindset. I haven’t ruled that out as a possibility. If that’s the case, then so be it. Because this feeling is the very same feeling that helps me sleep at night. Even if it’s an illusion, even if it’s all in my head. It calms me down. It makes me smile. It makes me, dare I say it, happy.

Nothing will ever take that away from me.

ϟ More questions

1) The person I like and why I like them.

Seeing how it’s “the person” instead of “a person”, I’m going to assume it’s asking for that special someone. There isn’t anyone like that at the moment.

2) A famous person i’ve been compared to.

Joseph Stalin. Don’t ask me why. The only similarity is that we’re both Russian. I guess my “friends” at the time thought they were being funny.

3) 5 things that irritate me about the same sex/opposite sex.
- Overconfidence
- Loud/annoying
- Selfish
- Hypocrites
- Greedy

4) The best thing that has happened to me this week.

I got to sleep in because I had a day off work.

5) Weird things I do when I’m alone.

Hate the world.

6) How I’d spend ten thousand bucks.

10k really isn’t a lot of money. Can’t buy a house. Can’t even pay rent + bills + buy food in a shitty apartment for very long either. I’d probably use it to pay off my student loans / the rest of my tuition.

7) Things I like and things I don’t like about the way I look.

Like:
- I’m fairly skinny
- I’m not super ugly
Dislike:
- I’m short. Little over 5’5.
- Not particularly good looking either

8) My last night out in detail.
>Got my new hunter to level 65 in WoW
>Youtube, Facebook, Tumblr, MSN, etc
>Get told some really retarded/bad news
>Get super pissed off
>Go for a walk outside at like 11:30pm
>Come home, listen to A Thousand Suns to try and calm myself down
>Doesn’t work
>Stay up thinking about how shitty things are going to be
>Realize there are even more things for me to be upset about
>Thinking and analyzing everything. Lifesucks.jpg
>Go to sleep at 7:30 am
>Still mad/upset

9) Something that makes me sad when I think about it.

My high school crush/love/whatever the fuck you want to call it.

10) Something I’ve lied about.

The exact city of my birth. It’s not exactly in Moscow. It’s actually a small town a little bit further away, but I know for a fact that no one has ever heard of it. No point in telling them some weird name they’ve never heard of, so I just say Moscow. Just makes things a lot easier.

11) Would I rather be stranded on a desert island with someone I love for ten years or someone I hate for a month? explain why.

If it was someone I truly love, I would easily spend an eternity with them. Such an easy question. That’s like asking would I rather get $1,000,000 or be kicked in the balls.

12) Something I’m currently worrying about.

If any of my “friends” actually give a shit about me.

13) One person from tumblr I’d throw off a cliff, one I’d marry and one I’d fuck.

Very interesting question. I think it would be pretty funny to answer that.
However, there is a slight problem. Who do I pick? If it’s famous girls on tumblr, then I don’t know any. If I pick from my followers, then the one I throw off a cliff gets to read it and feel upset. Hell, even the one I’d pick to marry/fuck would probably be very creeped out when they read it.

I guess I could technically still answer this, but I’d need 3 people in comparison. Also has to be either in private or have the 3 people be someone who will never read it and therefore not get upset/creeped the fuck out.

14) Something I do without realising.
When listening to music, I always do a bunch of stuff without realising it. Hum, tap my foot, use my fingers to play an imaginary keyboard, etc,

15) Lyrics that apply to my current situation/mood.

“I don’t know what’s worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
to show you what I mean
I don’t know how I got this way
I’ll never be alright”

—————————————————————————————————-

That’s it for today. Just finished listened to BTH and my arms are now covered in goosebumps. Eyes are also getting kind of teary.

It’s 6:00 am, so I should probably go to sleep. I’ll finish the rest of the questions tomorrow, there’s like 11 more to go.